Becoming Awesomer

I can't believe we are already entering a new year, 2012 went by way too fast for my liking. While I can't say last year was my favorite so far, I can say that I learned a lot about myself. More than I have in a long time, or maybe ever. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own. I'm figuring out who I want to be and how I want to live my life. I'm realizing the kind of mother and wife I want to be, but I'm also realizing the kind of woman I want to be. 

Woman. It is such a "grown-up" word. 

I don't feel like a girl anymore, I feel like a real "grown-up" woman. 

It's amazing. 

Maybe it's because we have a mortgage now, or maybe it's because I have a 2-year old and I want to give her a sibling, or maybe it's just because I'm starting to like myself. 

I'm starting to get myself.

 I understand myself.

And by beginning to understand myself, I now understand that I need a relationship with Heavenly Father. My spirit needs Him. 

Since I was 16 I started to think that I could get by in life without Him, and for a while I did. But I was never truly happy ignoring the person I really am or ignoring the desires of my heart. So I acted out. I lost myself. I destroyed relationships. I let anger take over my life.
I ignored my parents. I did things I knew I shouldn't be doing.
 Then I got pregnant. I became a mom. I became a wife.
And now I'm becoming myself again.

 Becoming a mom was a nice slap in the face to help me realize what I should be doing, what I need to be doing, but more importantly what I want to be doing.

 I want to go to the temple. 

I want to be sealed to my family for eternity.

 I want to go to church every Sunday and strengthen myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And now I know that I can't do and have all those things without Him. 

I need Him. 

Being any kind of religious is more than just believing in God, it's also believing in yourself. It's about knowing yourself. It's about becoming the best person that you can possibly be. It's about thinking about others. It's about serving others. It's about serving yourself.

 I want just want to be "me" again. 

Thank you 2012, for helping me understand that. 

May 2013 be a year for growing back into the person I've always been, 

but have been too careless to appreciate. 

Last year was pretty awesome, but this year is going to be "awesomer".