Decisions, Decisions...

I have a problem. I can't make a decision on my own, for the life of me. It is seriously an issue, especially when it's about what I want to do for a career.

Ever since my mom dragged me up to the U to enroll for Fall of '07, I've struggled with why I was even there. I wasn't sure why I should be spending time and money in school when I didn't even know what I wanted to major in. I wasn't even planning on enrolling after high school graduation (in fact I really didn't want to), until my mom literally took me to campus and helped me choose my classes. I was a complete brat about it too, I was moaning and groaning the entire time. I guess I was in a bad place and wasn't thinking about my future. Now though, I am so grateful and thankful that I have a mom who cares about me enough to push me in the direction she knows is the best for me. I don't know if she knows how thankful I am, so thanks mom.

So my first year I decided I wanted to major in Psychology; I wanted to go into family or marriage counseling and try to help others with similar problems I had growing up. I quickly changed my mind my second year when I decided I wanted to major in Business; I wanted to go into human resources as I liked being around people and I could see a future in HR. I took the Business 1010 class and after that semester I pretty much decided business management just wasn't for me. Which brought me to my third year when I started listening to my mom again-she suggested majoring in English. She knew I had a passion for writing and she could see me going into teaching. I started thinking about it and the more I did, the more I agreed with her. I could see myself teaching high school English and really enjoying it, especially when I found out I was going to have a baby soon. Teaching is a great career to have as a mom because of the hours, the holidays, and the summers off. I was content with my choice, so content that I wanted to finish school as soon as possible so I could get on with my life and start my career.

Well, last semester was the end of my general requirements; so for Fall semester, I enrolled myself in 4 classes that would go towards my English Teaching BA. I told Mike I wanted to quit my job so I could be in school full time, allowing me to graduate by Spring of 2014. We started to figure out how we could survive on his income alone. It scared us both because my job is where we get our awesome health insurance, but I was determined to figure something out that would work for our family.

I could probably work and go to school at the same time, I've actually done it ever since I started going to the U. The thing is I'm tired of doing everything without being fully committed. Last semester I was enrolled in two classes, working 30 hours a week, being a mom to Braelyn, and planning a wedding. It was overwhelming and I felt bad for not giving my full attention to school and Braelyn the most. My first priority should be making Braelyn and my husband happy; with being so busy I wasn't doing my fair share at home-I didn't like the feeling. I also hated having to take Braelyn to someone else's house to watch her while I work, just so I can pay them for watching my baby. It made me feel guilty. Not only wasn't I doing my fair share at home, I was struggling with keeping up with my school work. Somehow I managed to pass my classes and get decent grades, but "decent" isn't good enough for me. I want to do well in school, after all I am paying for my education.

My conclusion? To quit my job and take classes after 4 when Mike gets home.
Solution? I will be able to be with Braelyn the whole morning until Mike gets home and I'll be able to have more time to devote to school. No more child care or being to busy with work to get my school work done.

Now that I made a decision, we've been struggling this whole summer with what we are going to do when school starts. Our options...

1. Live off of student loans/grants and Mikes income
2. Find a job managing apartments where you live onsite, so they pay your rent
3. Live with family

Option 1 isn't ideal as it just makes us go into more debt. I already need loans and grants to pay for tuition so borrowing more to live off of just doesn't sound like the most lucrative idea. Option 2 would be helpful, but that also just creates more work and stress for me when our whole reason for me quitting work was so that I have more time for school. So that leaves us with option 3, which both of us really didn't want to do. We (I should really say Mike) hate asking for help; I don't like it, but I know when I need to ask and Mike just plain hates it. He would prefer to do everything on his own-especially when it comes to providing for his family (a quality I truly love him for as it shows me he is a real man ) ;). After going over a budget together we decided we could afford to live off of his income if only he didn't have a $400 car payment. So just recently we were able to talk to his parents and come up with a plan. We will move in with them in November when our lease is up. Once we're there we'll put all of our extra money towards his car so we can pay it all of within 6-8 months. Which will allow us to also save up some money for a down payment on a house. We'll find something temporary to rent and continue to save money for a few more months. When he graduates school next summer and gets his journeyman license, we want to start looking for our first home :). So now we have a plan :) I am so excited about it, it feels so nice to have a future to look forward to.

Just when I thought I had my future figured out, I change my mind. Like I said, I have a problem with making decisions. I thought I wanted to teach, but then I started doing some research on the career, and noticed some things I didn't really like.

1. You get paid salary (which isn't very much MAYBE 40,000 a year) so any overtime you put in, you don't get paid for. Well, as a high school English teacher you WILL work overtime. I started thinking about all the papers there are to correct, all the lessons there are to plan, and heard people start to tell me that a lot of the time you spend doing that is after school gets out and at home. Well, who wants to literally bring their work home with them? I don't. I want to go to work and then leave my work at work so I can come home and focus on my family. I want a shift that starts and ends at a certain time, and if I have to stay later I will get compensated for it.
2. You may get the summer off, but you don't get paid for the summer.
3. The amount of school it takes to finish with an English Teaching BA would require me to take 5 courses a semester, every semester (Fall, Spring, and Summer) if I wanted to graduate by my goal-Spring 2014.

Even with the benefits that I would get as a teacher, I'm not sure if I'm passionate enough about it to not care that I only get paid a teacher's salary. Plus, ever since I THOUGHT I made up my mind, in the back of my head a little voice keeps saying "nursing". It's a prompt I get at least a few times a week, sometimes I hear it out of nowhere. It keeps me rethinking about my original decision.

Well, I've always loved babies. I've babysat for other families since I was 12, and I was a nanny throughout all of high school. I loved being around kids, but especially the babies. There's just something so magical about them. When I was younger, I even used to tell my mom "Mom, I want to deliver babies for a living". I remember my mom telling me that being an OBGYN was ambitious and would require a lot of work. In high school I started realizing just how much school that would require and I changed my mind pretty quickly. I started thinking about being an Orthodontist too, but then I decided against that after thinking about sticking my fingers in peoples mouths all day. So being in the medical field was always somewhere in the back of my head.

Well, back then I didn't even think about my other options for being involved in delivering babies; and now, after having a baby I've become even more passionate about all things babies. I've realized I have other options, such as becoming a Midwife. Becoming a Midwife would require getting a BSN (Bachelor's in Nursing), getting some experience in Labor and Delivery as a Registered Nurse, and then going onto graduate school to get my Master's as a Nurse Practitioner in Midwifery/Women's Health. I realize this would require more school, but not as much as it would take to go through Medical school. Plus becoming an RN would still give me a lot of options. I don't HAVE to work in a hospital if I realize that isn't for me, I could even go into Education as a Nurse. The options are seriously endless, as opposed to becoming a high school teacher, where I'm kind of stuck in that career setting. Well, I hate not having options.

Now, I think I've reached a different conclusion. I want to become a nurse and possibly a Midwife.

1. Being a nurse will almost double my yearly income I would have as a teacher. This would allow me to have the kind of lifestyle I want for my family and our kids. (A nice house in a nice neighborhood, yearly vacations, money for extra curricular activities, etc.)
2. I would only need to work part-time. Plus if you work in a hospital, you work a few 10 or 12 hour shifts, and you're done for the rest of the week.
3. It would allow me to have more options.
4. I would still get to be a mom
5. It would only require me to take 4 courses a semester, every semester for the first year until I get accepted into the Nursing program at the U.

I've gone through the pro's and con's of each choice and I think I've finally come to my decision. I hope it's the right one. I realize I'll have to take more science and math classes, but I know I can be good at them if I really apply myself. I want to be in a career that allows me to help others, and assisting in bringing in new life into this world just makes the hard work that much more rewarding. I am so excited every time I think about it, and honestly I've never felt that passionate about teaching. It seemed like a good idea to me, so I went for it, but it never really got me excited. I think that's what you need when you choose a career. I look at my husband and think about how much he enjoys his work and I tell myself I want the same. I want us to be happy and I want our kids to have the best life possible. I am SO excited about the things that are in store for our family. I know it's going to be a lot of hard work for the next few years, but I think it will be so worth it in the end! Let's just hope I don't change my mind...again ;).