Another Day, Another Decision

Gosh I stink at blogging! Well remember that one time where I made up my mind about my future career and said I wasn’t going to change my mind? Guess what? I changed my mind!!! You think you have it all figured out and then BAM you start second guessing yourself. I never believe that I’m making the right decision until I’ve made it and there’s no way out. Or I’ll just make someone else (aka my husband) make the decision for me. It’s a terrible habit and I’m pretty sure it’s starting to drive Mike nuts. Well, it’s driving me nuts too!

At the beginning of the semester I second-guessed my decision to go into nursing, so I dropped all of my classes that went towards that degree and added a bunch for the English Teaching degree. The moment that changed my mind was visiting my sick great aunt in the hospital and in her rehabilitation center. It was so sad and I started wondering if I was really up for the challenge of caring for the sick. That questioning made me think, “I guess I really do want to teach”. However, after the first day of my Intro to Education course I realized I still didn’t have it right.

I showed up to class with a happy and excited attitude. I couldn’t wait to hear what this was all going to be about; that attitude quickly changed. I went from happy-excited to completely anxious and unsure. I sat there listening to this awesome professor tell us all how passionate he was about his job and I thought to myself “I’m not passionate about teaching, I’m passionate about writing” and while I could probably be okay teaching what I love, I’m not sure I’ll be satisfied teaching at all. Could I really inspire young teens like we all want teachers to do? If I want to be a teacher I want to be a good one, one that loves what they do and is passionate about inspiring others to love what they love. The professor talked about the course requirements and the time we would spend in a middle school or The Boys and Girls Club with adolescents teaching and interacting with them. At this point I was just thinking “GET ME OUT OF HERE”, I was so anxious I was ready to walk out of the classroom right then and there, and I’m not even sure why! It was an overwhelming feeling I can’t even explain. I went home that night and spoke to Mike about it all and decided I needed to drop that class and get back into the nursing prerequisites I was originally going to take; except they were now full and none of the professors were giving me permission codes to get in anyway. Crap.

SO I decided to add some classes that could go towards anything, but I stuck with my decision to take ASL (which I would only need for teaching, not for nursing). Can I just say that that was the best decision I’ve made all semester? Well my new plan was to wait until Spring Semester and enroll in 3 or 4 prerequisites for nursing, like Chemistry and Biology (sounds fun right?). That was my plan throughout this entire semester, I was even beginning to get excited about it. I new I wouldn’t be applying for the Nursing Program for another year and may not even get in right away, so I could end up waiting even longer. Heck it could potentially take 3 or 4 years to finish, but I didn't care, I was excited. I’ve even been telling everyone what I’m doing and I’ve been outsourcing like crazy. I’ve asked everyone I know who is a Nurse and anyone I didn’t know, but heard it come up in conversation at birthday parties or things like that. I wanted to know what it took to be a Nurse and what the program is like. I was still excited.

A couple days ago I registered for my 4 classes for next semester, as planned. Then yesterday as I was going home from class I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I loved to write. In my Monday class I got my Midterm exam back (which was a take home essay) and saw that I got an A. I was completely shocked, as I had written it the night before it was due. Hmm, maybe I’ve got some natural ability here. I got home and immediately started researching the English program at the U as well as what I could do with an English major-although I already knew the answer to that one which is just about anything (literally).

Deep in my heart, I know I love to write. I also know I could really improve my writing skills and love it even more. I’ve always had a love for literature, I think it helped that my mom read to me every single night. I picked up reading quickly and always wanted to be the one the teacher picked on to read something out of a lesson or text book (I would even volunteer)-gasp! Throughout middle and high school I learned that I really loved creative writing and narratives, and loved getting those assignments! Then at 16, I got my patriarchal blessing. “You will be a writer” it said; I remember it distinctly. (I’ve got to get another copy of this because it got lost in all the moves and I know it said more about me writing). Yesterday I thought, “Maybe I should listen to that prompting”. I know that patriarchal blessings aren’t meant to “tell your future”, but rather act as more of an inspiration for you when you are feeling doubtful or confused. I also know that to receive most of those blessings you have to be living righteously (which I’m working on). Knowing all this, I simply feel silly for trying to ignore it. So today, I dropped all of my prerequisites and enrolled in ASL 1020 along with three English courses.

I’ve struggled with this decision because I’m trying to listen to my heart, but logic and reason is telling me to go with Nursing. “It’s a good, stable career and I will have no trouble finding a job after graduation. Plus, I love babies” I tell myself. But is it what I love, or just what’s convenient?

Well here are a few things that are convenient about an English Major.

I KNOW I enjoy it

I would gain experience and knowledge in writing and creativity

I could improve my skills so that they’re at their best, I could even try to write a novel (which is something I would really love to do someday).

I would be doing what I love and learning what I love.

I would be done by spring 2013.

Even though I don’t know what job I would want after graduation, I do know I could find a job anywhere with a degree in English.

Those are some pretty good reasons if you ask me.

So there, I said it. I even put it on my blog so I can’t change my mind again, because then I would probably look really stupid and maybe even slightly crazy.

To tune into my writing skills, I’m going to try to write more creative blog posts on my other blog (dedicated mostly to writing stories, not just updates) at sherslivinglaughingloving.blogspot.com. There you can read how Mike and I met and follow us in our life changing decision to become parents. The other day Mike found a little something on a notepad I had written on while working at Discover. It was the story of how he proposed :) I think I’ll put that on the other blog as well.

On another note, guess what I want my graduation present to be since I’ll finish earlier than I thought!?

I’ll give you a hint; we may be adding TWO more feet to our house by fall of 2013. :)
I’m smiling just talking about it, can ya tell? :) :) :) :) :) :)